Killua Wins
by Bushwah
Summary: But oh, the fun that they can have, the smiling mask, the shattered heart... together now, wandering still, and tomorrow, apart... until at last the body fails, after there's no reason to live... why would you want to find your friend now? What is there left to give?
1. Hunters

Killua went to the resting area where an attendant had told him he could find Gon. He found Chairman Netero waiting for him outside, casually chewing a stick of gum and bouncing on an inflatable exercise ball.

"No one is allowed to see the injured until they have recovered," he said. "Gon will be in here for quite a while still, and the Hunter orientation starts in half an hour."

_I hope Gon hasn't gotten his hopes up too far. Being a Hunter doesn't mean he's going to find Jin soon..._

"I know, but I want to see Gon first."

"I'll tell him you dropped by."

"I guess that's okay," Killua said, and walked away, not bothering to hide his disappointment.

* * *

"Who was disqualified?" A pause. "Satotsu-san?"

"Actually..."

Pain flashed across Gon's broken arm, and he failed to stifle a cry of pain.

"You should be resting."

Despite the constant throb of pain, Gon's voice remained firm. "I'm fine."

"You were under stress for the entire Hunter Exam. You need to rest."

"I won't be able to rest until I know who failed."

Satotsu gave in to Gon's seemingly unshakable resolve, saying, "All right. I'll tell you."

"Pokkuru surrendered at the beginning of the fourth round, when Killua told him he wasn't afraid to kill."

"Killua wouldn't—" Gon said, then stopped. Satotsu waited to see if he had anything to say, then continued his tale.

"He might have been bluffing, but the threat was effective. Since Bodoro had not recovered by the end of the round, the seventh round became the fifth."

"So Killua passed?"

"He did."

Gon's eyes lit and he sat up, ignoring his broken arm. "Where is he?"

"He came to see you after he received his license, but you were resting, and he was not allowed in."

He paused, halfway out of the hospital bed. "Can I see him now?"

"He will soon be at the orientation with the other qualified Hunters. You will attend it when you have fully recovered. For now, I do not know where he is, and you should not be out of bed."

Gon laid back down reluctantly. "Tell me what happened in the fifth round, then."

"Gittarakuru threatened to put a pin through Pokkuru's eye."

_Anything is allowed, as long as he doesn't die..._

"Understandably, Pokkuru surrendered. And since he had just lost to Killua, he would only have one more chance to become a Hunter."

"That was the second to last match?"

"No. The second to last match was Bodoro versus Leorio. Leorio and Bodoro fought intensely, as both wanted very much to become Hunters. Leorio, however, eventually let down his guard, and Bodoro hit him in the chest. Leorio was knocked down by Bodoro's force, and he surrendered shortly afterwards."

"So Pokkuru fought Leorio?"

"Yes. Pokkuru poked his injured chest with his knife, and Leorio surrendered."

"He didn't pass?" How would Leorio afford to become a doctor now?

"No. In the end, Netero changed his mind and proclaimed Leorio a Hunter. It was very strange."

Gon almost sat up again, and fell back to the bed, clutching his arm. "So everyone passed?" he said in a strained voice.

"Yes. Everyone passed. You didn't have to do that," Satotsu said, indicating Gon's broken arm.

"I did," Gon said fiercely. "Even if I'd already been a Hunter, I would have done it anyway. Jin would have wanted me to."

"You really are exceptional, Gon. If you had said anything else, even after all you've gone through, you would have been disqualified. Now, you have truly proven that you have what it takes to be a Hunter." Satotsu reached into a drawer and took out a red card with the symbol of the Hunters' Association on it.

"To many Hunters, this card is an enigma. It is both the most precious thing they own, and as worthless as a piece of trash. This is because while the card is a symbol of everything they have ever dreamed, the fulfillment of the dreams themselves is worth far more than anything a Hunter could possibly own."

He held out the card to Gon. "It is your choice what you think of this card, and what you will decide to do with it. If you do not want to be a Hunter, you are free to sell the card, or hide it forever, or even burn it, but be warned: once you have passed the Hunter Exam once, you are forbidden to take it again. Gon... this is your Hunter License card."

"My... card?"

"Yes. You already know when you will use it, don't you?"

"I'm not going to use the card until I've paid back all the people who helped me pass the Exam."

"A worthy goal." Satotsu held out his hand to Gon, and Gon reached out with his unbroken arm to take it. "Congratulations on your qualification. You earned it."

A grin spread across Gon's boyish face. "Thank you."

* * *

The air felt stale as Killua stepped out into the sun's glare, blinding bright after the dim enclosure of the Final Exam, his hand coming up out of long reflex to shield his eyes. When he saw who awaited him outside, he almost turned back. Deliberately looking down, he kept walking without conscious direction, until he was too far away from the door to escape.

Silent, leaning on one of the poles supporting the building behind him, was his eldest brother, Illumi. He hadn't changed much in the past few years. His sleek, black hair had grown longer, running down the full length of his back, but other than that, there wasn't much of a difference.

The monotone voice was still the same, and it would still be unthinkable to disobey what it said.

No, Illumi hadn't changed much at all.


	2. Confrontations

"If Gon knew who you truly were, the darkness you hid from him, he would leave you." Illumi stepped forward, and Killua fell back. "And he would be right to flee. You cannot have friends, Killu, not as you are nor as you will ever be."

Killua stopped backing away. "That's not true."

"If you had stayed with him, someday, you would kill him! You would want to know whether you were capable of it." Illumi's voice was gentle, though his words hurt worse than broken bones. "And you are, Killu. You would find, standing over his body that you always were. Your destiny is to be an assassin. A killer."

"I know that I am destined to be an assassin, but I really didn't want to kill Gon."

Killua turned away, not wanting to face his brother. "I only wanted to be his friend."

"You would never kill him?"

Killua looked down, but his voice was still steady. "Never."

Illumi sighed and walked around Killua, keeping the same distance he had before. Forcing Killua to look into the depths of Illumi's eyes. "Think of it this way, then. You're like a kid who wants a dog. He promises he'll take care of it forever. If you stayed with him... if you became his friend, eventually you would tire of his companionship_._Because that is the way I trained you, because you are my brother and our father's heir, someday you would kill him, and return to me."

Killua gritted his teeth, his hand clenching into fists as he tried to regain his steady breathing. Light blue eyes blazed with anger as he glared at his older brother.

Then he felt himself relax, his hands—no longer fists—dropping to his sides, the tenseness in his posture fading. It seemed that he was shorter than he had been and Illumi taller and his frantic breathing calmed as he looked up at his brother, innocent azure-blue eyes dark and lifeless as a night without stars.

Illumi went to Killua, and he did not resist, only standing like a wooden doll as Illumi reached out and ruffled his hair. "It doesn't have to be like this, Killu. Come with me."

* * *

The walk to the station and the train ride were passed in silence, and it was only when the brothers were on the airship to Padokia that Illumi finally spoke. "Tell me why you ran away."

Killua stared at his hands. "I don't know," he said. "I wanted to—to do something other than train... I guess I was bored. And I thought the Exam would be interesting... I don't know."

"Was it?"

Killua looked up, but Illumi was looking out the window, into the open sky, directly away from him.

"Not really. Except—" He paused for a second, then realized he couldn't hide this, couldn't hide anything, even if he wanted to. "Except when Gon was with me."

"I see." Illumi did not turn, or show any sign of emotion, but Killua knew he was disappointed.

* * *

There was a pause, and again, Illumi was the one to break the quiet.

"Mother didn't think you were ready for the Hunter Exam."

_I passed, though. I'll tell her that next time she tells me I'm not ready._ This time, though, it didn't make any sense. What danger of the Hunter Exam would he have been more prepared for if he'd waited?

"Why not?"

"She wanted you to know Nen before going anywhere near professional Hunters."

"Nen?"

"A technique. It is not yet time for you to learn it."

* * *

Gotou had driven them to the gates of the Zorodikku Estate, and Illumi had opened them for Killua, who would have resented it if he wasn't so tired. When the brothers reached the mansion itself, they found Kikyou waiting in the foyer. "I'm so glad you brought Killu back. You know Mother was worried when he ran away..."

Killua took his chance, and slipped away into the mansion proper while both of them were distracted. When he entered his room, however, he found Kalluto already in it, standing by Illumi's bed.

"Mother said you should go downstairs to the training room."

_Already? _"Tell her I'm going to take a nap, but I might as well do it down there."

Kalluto nodded and left.

Killua looked at his bed once more before leaving to the training room. When he reached it, he chained his feet together, then did up one of his hands. He'd have to wait for someone else to come and fasten the other.

Even with one arm hanging loose, this wasn't such an uncomfortable place that Killua was unable to sleep.

* * *

Killua didn't hear Milluki entering the room. He was not so deeply asleep, however, that he did not regain consciousness instantly at the strike of the whip on his back. He refused to show that he was awake, however, staying perfectly relaxed despite the pain.

"Wake up!" his brother yelled. Still, he kept his eyes shut. This was always fun.

It was better training than 'waking up', anyway.

"Wake up," Milluki said in slightly quieter tones. Killua opened his eyes. He'd thought of a better way to taunt his brother, and he probably _couldn't _stay 'asleep' indefinitely—Milluki could eventually catch on.

"Oh, aniki, good morning. What time is it?"

Enjoying the look of helpless fury on his brother's face, he yawned and stretched against the bonds. He noted, in the part of his mind that calculated distances and speeds during assassination missions, that Milluki had locked his other arm while he was asleep, which would slow him down for approximately point one four seconds in leaving the room.

"Don't be in such a good mood." Killua felt Milluki holding the whip against his throat. His claws would be scarier. If he had any. Killua didn't ever remember seeing them.

And Killua was the one who'd gotten Milluki, when punch came to stab, not the other way around, when it wasn't training and Milluki was the only thing between him and freedom.

Or so he'd thought.

Killua continued his game of baiting his older brother. "I'm sorry. You're just better than me, aniki." It wasn't like Milluki could do anything about it. This was training for him, too, and you never questioned training.

Even when it was Killua's turn to be tested, and he was making it the other way around.

"Liar!" Milluki yelled, and hit him again with the whip.

"So you found out." Killua smiled. "Oops."

The older boy made a move as if to hit him again, but aborted it halfway through, and Killua's smile widened. _He'll never be able to whip me again. If he tries, I'll just remember this time, and smile again._

Milluki was panting, and Killua could tell he was trying to think of something to hit Killua with other than the whip. Some memory, some secret, something to wipe the smile off his face. The aforementioned smile was becoming dangerously close to a grin. _You can't hurt me anymore._


	3. Permission

_After everything I've done to him, he's still smiling? _Milluki couldn't believe what Killua was doing. _He _was panting, and Killua—

He raised the whip, then thought better of it. The accursed smile grew larger on his brother's face. Damn, what was he supposed to do now?

Killua was younger than him, damn it, _younger. _He always tried to get out of going on missions with his brothers, especially Illumi who he was supposed to be learning from, and maybe Milluki himself tried to get out of everything, but he had his figurines to take care of, and Killua was supposed to be _better _than him at those things, was supposed to be the_ heir_—

He was disobedient, too; he had run away, injured Mother, and tried to make a_ friend_. And the friend wasn't even a girl! Milluki would have at least made sure his friend was of the fairer sex...

Killu was a failure, a complete failure, and he still went on smiling at him like he had the right to, not like he was afraid, not even like he was at all sorry for what he'd done.

"You were at the Heavens Arena, when you were seven, and you never went to the two hundredth floor, did you?" he asked.

"Silva never told me to," Killu said, and Milluki wanted to kill him, wanted to break his bones and bash his head in, wanted to_ make him hurt_—

But this was the only way he could do that without getting Illumi and Silva and Kikyou after his head and possibly even his figurines, and he was having trouble keeping his thoughts straight, and Killua was still _smiling _at him—

"I did," he said, not mentioning the fact that he had gone when he was seventeen, when Silva had ordered him to after learning Nen; not when he was twelve, certainly not when he was seven. He had also only attended one match, and had lost rather spectacularly. "But you didn't. You're right, Killu. I'm better than you." He turned and swaggered out the door, leaving Killua alone in the chains.

* * *

Milluki had presumably entered a code somewhere, because the shackles opened seemingly on their own a few minutes after he left.

Killua fell to the ground, mostly because he expected them never to open at all, for him to be left like that for the rest of the night unless one of the elders came in.

Speaking of elders, he had something he wanted to talk to Silva about. He got up, rubbing his wrists. They had been raised above his head and subjected to his entire weight, so for a while, blood flow to his arms had been restricted. Killua had long since stopped using the phrase _pins and needles _to describe that feeling. Pins and needles were completely different and tended to be much more painful.

His limb narcolepsy wasn't, however, what he wanted to talk to Silva about. If he was going to have an actual conversation with his father, it would be about a serious subject.

Like the Heavens Arena.

* * *

Killua stood outside the open door of Silva's workroom, willing himself not to shift his weight; it shouldn't have even been hard, not for him, but it felt like he'd been waiting in that perfect stillness forever.

Forever, no, but too long. The floor creaked—all the floors of the mansion did—as he slipped into a more comfortable position, and Silva looked up. "Killua? Come in."

Automatically, Killua entered, not coming really close to Silva, but not staying by the door, either. Then he stopped, not sure what to say. _Would he let me go again, so soon after I ran?_

"Killu? How long are you going to stand there?" Silva gestured to the chair on Killua's side of his desk. "Have a seat."

Silva wouldn't have traps in the furniture. It wasn't his style. Milluki's, maybe, but not in Silva's room.

He sat.

"What did you come to talk to me about?"

"I want to go back to the Heavens Arena."

"When?"

Killua looked down. "I don't know when. Soon, I think."

"I trust you will be careful." Killua nodded. "All right; you have my permission."

_He doesn't even ask why... I guess he's always been nice like that. _"Thanks, otou-san."

* * *

Silva Zorodikku was reading a book.

It wasn't a book about assassination, or parenting, not this time. It was a fantasy. He'd taken it from Kalluto's room a few days ago, and hadn't been able to put it down.

Silva was on the last thirty pages when his wife flounced in. She was followed by Kalluto, and Silva kept the book open on his lap, hoping his youngest son wouldn't notice it was his.

"Killu is running again, he said you—"

Anyone else would have slapped their hands over their ears, and divorced her, long ago. Silva put down his book, not bothering to hide the title, and interrupted his wife before her voice had risen to the point where it became annoying.

"If he said that he had my permission to train at the Heavens Arena, he was not running away."

The light on Kikyou's visor turned from amber to red, and Kalluto left through the open door.

"Silva, dear, how could you do this to me, letting Killu go off on his own...?"

Kalluto wasn't here to tell her, and after what Killua had done to her eyes, it wasn't like she could see him.

Silva opened the book.


	4. Fighting

Killua stepped forward into the ring.

The first thing that hit his senses was the noise and clamor of the crowd. It rang almost painfully in his training-enhanced hearing, and he consciously adjusted to it—not ignoring it, but setting it at a lower priority than other sounds. He didn't need people to cheer for him to know what he was capable of, and it was bad practice to listen carefully to anything that could be distracting in the fight.

The second aspect of the arena he noticed was the light. Multiple spotlights shone directly onto the arena, illuminating it fully.

The third, of course, was the new face standing across from him, the opposing force for his match.

His opponent for the day was a complete stranger, an unimportant stranger. The man was someone the white-haired boy would forget as soon as he stepped out of the ring, victorious. He knew he was being arrogant, but he was tired of always having to be pessimistic, tired of training against his family. Today he would win. What else could be the result when the foe was barely worthy of the title he was given?

"Begin!" the referee shouted.

His opponent rushed towards him, yelling an unintelligible war cry.

Killua raised an eyebrow, less then amused, and stepped off line, hitting the man in the back with his palm. He was thrown into the arena wall on the opposite side.

"K.O.!" the referee shouted. _Knocked out._

Killua gazed straight ahead as he walked out of the ring. _Idiot. Can't you tell he's dead?_

He barely heard someone telling him to report to the 180th floor.

* * *

Killua gazed down at the money card in his hand, feeling strangely detached. If he'd had money during the Hunter Exam, he would've spent it all on chocolate.

He went up to his room and found boxes and boxes of chocolate. Killua didn't even remember ordering them, but somehow it didn't surprise him that they were there. He opened a box and nibbled on a Chocolate Robot antenna. The antenna was as delicious as ever, though the empty feeling in the pit of his stomach did not abate.

_I guess some things never change._

* * *

The 200th floor. _Milluki said he was better than me. I'll show him._

As soon as the doors of the elevator opened, Killua could feel it. An oppressive pressure all around him that might, had he been less trained, have forced him to turn back to the lower floors.

There were no signs of other people, but a sixth sense warned of immediate danger. He paused for a fraction of a second to center himself more firmly in his knowledge of his own capabilities and continued walking.

As he started down the final hallway, walking became physically difficult, like he was pushing through layers and layers of thickening mud as he walked. _This is how it feels, sometimes, when we're training and Illumi thinks I'm getting overconfident. He says I'm not ready to learn, but I wish he'd taught me to counter it; at least I wouldn't be in this situation, with someone who might want to kill me using it against me._

Looking down at his feet as though trying to persuade them to take another step, Killua saw a movement out of the corner of his eye. Looking up, he instantly recognized Hisoka, who had been eyeing Gon for much of the Hunter Exam. The pressure in the air thickened to the point where it forced him back several steps. Killua struggled to keep his feet as he was pushed away from Hisoka as if by strong wind.

And then, suddenly, it was gone, replaced by another strong aura. But this wasn't as disagreeable to his senses, and wasn't directed at him. He didn't need to look; he could recognize Illumi's presence anywhere, and now it was behind him, and all around him.

Illumi held him upright, not unlike helping a toddler take his first steps. Killua relaxed into his supporting arms, completely exhausted, as the pressure around him dulled and vanished.

"What have you done to my brother?" Illumi's voice was perfectly calm as it always was, and Killua scrambled to his feet to get behind him. He did not want to be between those two if they decided to settle their differences with force.

Illumi evidently thought the same. "Killu... go."

* * *

As Killua ran for the elevator, Illumi gazed fixedly at Hisoka's eyes. Outwardly, his regard was calm, but any Nen user would have noticed at once that his aura seethed with barely restrained anger. "I told you once before. If you hurt my brother, I will kill you."

Surprisingly, a card did not materialize in Hisoka's hand. _So he wants to talk._"He's still fine, ne? You never said I couldn't have fun with him..."

"You would do well to find another plaything_, _Hisoka." _If you ever want to hire me again, for one of your special favors..._

"But we were just getting started, really. And besides, he provokes such interesting responses."

"Responses?"

Hisoka chose not to answer his question, instead saying, "You followed him here."

This was, Illumi realized, a relatively straightforward answer.

"I could kill you." It wasn't a threat, more of a mutual acknowledgement. _You know that I could kill you, but you also know that this is not a provocation that will force me to do so._

"Then we will fight?" Hisoka licked his lips, drawing a card from thin air.

He saw Hisoka shift the card from drawing position to throwing position. "How about right here?"

The three of spades.

The third child. Danger.

Killua could already be seriously hurt. Nen wounds didn't always show.

"I don't give my targets warning, Hisoka."

"It wouldn't be much fun if you did."

"Until next time, then."

Already turning away, Illumi heard Hisoka repeat the words. "Until next time."

He didn't want to think about the other meaning of the three of spades. The three of swords, as it was once known.

_Betrayal._


	5. Nen

Killua never remembered the journey from _200th floor _to _his room_. He only knew what Illumi said; the order that he had, in his dazed state, followed without question.

_Killu... go._

Then he realized the power that Hisoka had shown, and was suddenly glad he had complied. _Hisoka... it's almost like he followed me to the Heavens Arena. _No, a mere coincidence.

_Once is happenstance; twice is coincidence; three times is enemy action._

Limited patience. That was the rule in dealing with clients and potential clients. Your life was worth more than what they paid you, and if they were trying to kill you, it was your job to get to them first. When Killua was very young, Zeno had spent happy days teaching him a set of tenets.

_Anyone can die. _He'd thought that one obvious. Even young as he was, he'd known that if Illumi ever got tired of him, his older brother would kill him.

_Adjust completely to your surroundings before you strike. _He had lessons in that; how to 'adjust' to everything from unexpected noises and itches at inopportune times to electrocution and poison.

_A death threat is reversible; death itself is not. _Another rule for dealing with clients. Don't kill them; you won't get paid. Threatening them, however, is a free action.

He was distracted from the recital by something that wasn't quite pain, flickering across the top of his left hand.

_Huh. What did I do to it this time?_

* * *

As soon as Illumi turned the corner away from Hisoka, his pace quickened. He went straight to the room that he knew Killua to be using and didn't bother to knock before opening the unlocked door.

Killua was sitting on the bed, looking vaguely puzzled but not outwardly injured. He didn't look up or acknowledge Illumi's presence in any way.

Instead of interrupting him from his reverie, Illumi focused on his brother's aura. It was normal all over his body except his hands. The energy hovering around them wasn't natively Killua's, and its form suggested that Hisoka had attached his Bungee Gum to him_._

"Does your hand hurt?" Illumi asked.

"No." Killua stopped to think of a word, and settled on, "It itches."

_That's a good sign. I think. _Illumi remembered the time that Hisoka had pulled him into a hug. _Yes, it itches. _He hadn't noticed at the time.

_Illumi knew my hand was itching? How..._

"You need to register."

_Huh?_

"If you don't register on the 200th floor by the end of the day, you'll never be able to again."

"I'll go..." Killua's voice faltered.

"No. Hisoka hasn't left. And I can't protect you; he wouldn't stand for it. You have to learn Nen."

"Nen?"

"I used Nen to disguise myself as Gittarakuru. Hisoka used Nen to drive you out of the registration corridor. He also attached it to your hands."

Killua looked down at his hands, rubbing them together fiercely. The prickling feeling was not tangibly affected. "It's still there?"

"Yes. It won't come off until Hisoka either takes it off of you or dies."

"Can I learn Nen while it's on me?"

"It should be possible."

* * *

"There is a network of nodes of energy all over your body. All Nen is channeled through them. They are naturally closed, and they must be open in order to use Nen. The nodes are usually opened via focused meditation, taking at least a year in most cases. If you are going to register today, you will need to use a shortcut. When done correctly, it is not dangerous."

_I know now that Hisoka used the quick method simply out of impatience. He told me then that it was the only way..._

"The first thing that students of Nen will learn is _Ten_, the skill of keeping your aura from leaking away unused. If your nodes are opened and you haven't learned Ten, no matter what your teacher does, your aura will fade out of your body and you will die."

"How do I use Ten?"

"Focus on holding the energy inside you."

Though it was not maliciously directed, Killua could barely suppress a shudder of disgust as Illumi's aura penetrated his body. Everywhere it touched, Killua felt his own Nen reacting to Illumi's, trying to push it out.

He noticed that the sickening presence did not extend to his hands, and the prickling had also faded completely.

Killua tried to hold his own Nen inside him, but he lost focus, becoming caught up in his body's struggle to erase the foreign Nen from his body. He closed his eyes and pushed against it, but he was weak from the energy that had already been lost. _He was weak and Illumi was strong._

Memories crashed over him in waves. There were memories of his childhood, the torture and poison, and blood, alongside memories of Gon and the Hunter Exam, and others, older, the frustration of knowing somewhere deep down that he was being manipulated. Anger rose against Illumi's touch, but he was weak and Illumi was strong, and his aura still pulsed out of him without control.

He thought he heard Illumi say, _This is what resistance brings, Killu. Just accept, and obey, and nothing will hurt you._

Too weak to do anything, even subconsciously, to drive the voice from his mind and the sinking blackness from his body, he focused as Illumi had told him to, and found that when he focused, the invasive presence faded away. His aura still moved within him, further aggravating his raw nerves, but it no longer drained from him like blood from a poorly done kill. His eyes opened, and he was on his back with Illumi over him. He wanted to lash out, wanted to flee, but he couldn't move. He saw the world in patches of grey and red, and he felt his eyes drifting shut.

"How do you feel?" Illumi asked. He heard no answer. Then Killua's eyes closed, and Illumi felt every muscle in his brother's body relax as he fell unconscious.


	6. Registration

Killua woke up stiff. Taking control of his muscles, he realized he was sprawled across the bed, lying sideways on it with his feet dangling down. _No wonder._

Remembering why he was in the position, he looked up quickly, and through the dizziness that accompanied the sudden movement saw the room's clock._11:20_. Forty minutes left.

He was relieved to find himself fully clothed. Illumi could have undressed him while he was out; it had happened before, after all. Killua changed hastily and dashed out the door to the elevator.

The operator brought him straight up to the 200th without Killua telling her where he wanted to go.

Killua paused before coming out of the elevator. _I guess now's the time to see if I can still do Ten. _He closed his eyes and remembered the spidering pain of Illumi's Nen, the soothing water feel of his own. He held it closely inside him, fearing to pass out again. Judging by what had happened last time, he wouldn't wake in time. Opening his eyes, he saw a faint nimbus around his body, pale yellow in color.

Around his hands, the energy was a garish pink. _Hisoka's_. The pink energy faded into his smoothly. Killua briefly wondered what it did and stepped out of the elevator.

The energy hit him again, but Killua was ready for it, and strengthened his Ten against its onslaught. He continued through the corridors, walking quickly, and Hisoka's aura swirled around his feet as Killua plunged through it. He could _feel _the fog of Nen close in behind him, but Killua was confident he'd be able to make it back if this was the only attack Hisoka mounted.

The Nen grew stronger, as it had before, as Killua reached the last corridor, but Killua's Ten remained strong, and Hisoka seemed to barely register his presence. As Killua passed, yellow eyes opened and tracked him, but the magician made no other move.

The aura's center was Hisoka himself, and when Killua passed him it began to fade. Breathing deeply, he went as far away from Hisoka as he could while still being at the registration desk. "I would like to sign up for a match," he said.

"All right," the receptionist said, pushing a form across the desk.

* * *

Killua noticed partway through filling out the form that the threatening aura had faded. Hisoka was standing now, still looking at him with... interest? Killua found it difficult not to show that he had seen Hisoka's gaze. _What kind of pervert watches a twelve-year-old from behind?_

He continued filling out the form. _Age: _He felt absolutely ridiculous putting "twenty-four", but he'd lied about his age last time he'd been here, so he was twenty-four now.

He said that he had a dozen years of fighting experience, and left the _Training location: _box blank.

He dated his next match seventy days later and watched a man step forward from the corridor behind the desk to sign _Riroberuto _as Killua's opponent.

Killua walked back to the elevator slowly, despite Hisoka's yellow eyes burning into his back.

Killua grabbed the whips, one in each hand.

"Very sorry, but I'm not your average person."

The announcer exclaimed that he had caught the whips—as if anyone could have not noticed_—_and his opponent shrieked disbelief. Killua shook his head inwardly, thinking, t_his is pathetic._

Then electricity ran down the whips to his hands. He felt the all-too-familiar paralysis begin to set in, but he shrugged it off. _It's only pain._

His opponent was yelling about all the people he'd killed. _Not nearly as many as I have._Killua found him a little harder to tune out, but managed to do so.

He raised his hands. The movement was neither sudden nor hard, but it was enough to send the idiot flying through the air.

"If you fall from that height, you'll die," he lied. "What do you want me to do?"

"Catch me!" he shouted. Looking closely, Killua could tell that he was actually frothing at the mouth. _Idiot. Can't he see I'm still holding the whips?_

_Oh well. If he wants me to..._

Riroberuto had said that the whips had a million volts. It wasn't even close to that. Still, when he fell into Killua's waiting arms, the man passed out from the shock.

_He has a weapon that hurts him more than it hurts me. Then again, that's true of most of the fighters here. _

"The winner is, Participant Killua!"

"Killua! You're back!"

"I'm back, yes." Killua walked out of the forest, his form resolving out of the shadows. "Back to do what I should have in the first place." He paused, and said, "Sorry, Gon."

"Sorry? Don't be sorry... you came back! You're a good friend, Killua."

Twisted aura flared, and Gon's look of joy changed to one of confusion and fear. "You're not Killua!"

"But I am. You never knew me, Gon. And now, you never will." Gon jumped back from Killua, trying to avoid the merciless blue eyes. He heard Leorio protest, and Kurapika shush him.

Then Gon saw Killua's eyes turn black. The world spun around them until them, too, faded.

Kurapika's eyes flashed to red, and he reached for his swords.

Killua looked up, and his eyes were blue again, a shade of blue darker than black. "I'll see you again."

His mouth turned up at the corner. "That's a promise."

Holding Gon's body under one arm, the assassin melted away into the shadows of the trees. There was a ripple of Nen, and Illumi shook almost-feminine dark locks out of his face. _Now there is truly nothing to hold Killua back._


	7. Home

_Hisoka again?_

He considered simply leaving the premises immediately and not coming back until the clown was gone. The problem was that if he had no matches for ninety days, Killua would not be allowed to register for another match, and—knowing Hisoka—he'd stay just to spite him.

As Killua paused for a long moment trying to decide, Hisoka seemed to teleport to him through the crowd. "You're leaving already?"

"Yeah, I guess," Killua said.

"What about our match?"

Killua, intrigued, decided to play along. "What about it?"

"You will show up, ne?"

Killua began to wonder if he could actually be signed up for a match with the creep.

"...No."

"You're breaking my heart."

"You have a heart?"

"I have many hearts." Hisoka held up the King of Hearts, and it was all Killua could do to keep from blushing. "You're leaving?"

"I am."

"How sad. Oh well. I'll see you in seventy-three days for our match. For now... _bai-bai!_"

Killua didn't answer, turning back to plunge back into the crowd._ He's looking forward to that match so much... I can see in his eyes that he's getting excited. Pervert!_

_I have seventy-three days of time to kill... that's long enough to go home. All Illumi taught me was Ten; the most basic skill, he said. Maybe Father knows something about Nen._

* * *

"Yes, Killu, I know Nen. Illumi taught you Ten?"

"Yeah."

"The next level, Zetsu, hides your aura and makes you difficult to locate. It, too, holds the aura and keeps it from flowing out of the body. It's essential when one Nen-user is stalking another, as it not only hides the stalker's presence from the target but removes the clutter of their own aura, enhancing their ability to detect their target's Nen." Silva Zaoldyeck looked at his son with piercing eyes. "Thus, while it should come naturally to you, you should make it your priority to learn it. You must shut down your nodes while holding your aura fully inside of you."

Killua nodded. That skill would be essential for an assassin.

"Next, you learn to strengthen your aura using Ren. Never try to use Ren without using Ten, as with the increase in the amount of aura your body produces, the energy loss would quickly become fatal." Killua wondered who had taught Silva this. Had he learned it alone?

"Finally, there is the ultimate technique, Hatsu. Each person's Hatsu is different, suited to their personality and the path they choose. Still, they tend to fall into five broad categories - Enhancing, Transmuting, Conjuring, Emitting, and Manipulating. Other abilities, though rare, are not unheard of, and they are known as Specialists."

Killua's mind began to go into information overload. _How am I supposed to remember all this?_

"Relax. You don't need to know everything, right this second. Illumi told me you've been training hard at the Heavens Arena. I'm proud of you."

"Um, thanks?"

Killua looked down at his feet.

"You should go now, get some rest. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Sure. Good night."

"Good night, Killua-kun."

* * *

Killua did not immediately fall asleep when he returned to his bed, instead staring blankly at the ceiling. _Should I just leave the Heavens Arena?_

He finally slept, but not deeply, continually waking up thinking he saw something move in Illumi's bed across the room. At four in the morning, he woke up fully, unable to fall asleep again_._

* * *

"Hey, Leorio, I found something. It says there's an assassin kid, white hair, named Yokatta Yameta at the Heavens Arena. It sounds like Killua under a pseudonym."

"What? Huh?"

Kurapika took a closer look at the newspaper. "It's dated... six years ago." _Oops._

"Why are you looking through that again?" Leorio asked.

"We're looking for Killua. Surely you didn't forget that?"

"Well, why aren't we using the Hunter Website?"

"Because - what?" Kurapika paused to think for a second. "Good question."

* * *

Killua wandered outside. Mike came bounding up to him, and Killua absent-mindedly scratched his belly with half-sheathed claws.

_Why did I come home?_

It wasn't for the information Silva could provide. Killua was certain of that. There were other ways of learning the textbook principles of Nen. Chairman Netero, for example, would probably be perfectly happy to babble on about the topic for hours on end.

No, it wasn't for information. It wasn't for companionship, either. His family was many things to him, but _friends_ was not among them.

_If not for information or companionship... what for?_

A messenger falcon flew above him, swooping in to drop a scroll of sealed paper on his lap before wheeling back into the sky. Killua watched it go, then cracked open the seal and looked at the letter within. It was written in Kalluto's neat script.

The text at least had the advantage of being short.

_Come to the lowest chamber. -Illumi._

* * *

By the time he reached the last door, Killua was out of breath. Not because he was tired of the walk—it would take many more miles for him to tire even if running—but out of fear.

Fear made his heart hammer and his whole body itch like burn scars, fear took the air from his lungs and left his movements shallow and uncoordinated.

And yet, without the fear, Killua would never have opened the door. It was because of the fear, because there was nowhere else to turn, that he came at last to his brother.

As he always would in the end.


	8. Friends

Kurapika got out of his seat to allow Leorio an unobstructed view of the screen. "That boy—Yokatta Yameta—is at the Heavens Arena again. It says he's twenty-four, but there's a picture. It's Killua."

Leorio looked at the picture and sighed. "It's Killua, all right," he said. This picture, worth a million Jeni, was right there on the web site, and it didn't say anywhere that he was a member of the Zorodikku Clan?

Oh, there was more information, listed as 'non-public', and if you paid for it, you could probably learn that it was Killua, as well as some other stuff the two already knew.

"It says here that he has a match against Hisoka in..." Kurapika paused to calculate the dates. "...seventy-two days."

"He's fighting Hisoka? Is he crazy—?"

"Calm down, Leorio, and think rationally. The match might not have been Killua's idea. He doesn't have to go to it either way. And—who knows what else he's capable of, if he can kill Gon..."

Kurapika couldn't finish. Leorio thought he was going to say,_ Who knows what else he's capable of, if he can kill Gon without even touching him?_

Actually, Kurapika was thinking of a somewhat different ending. _Who knows what else he's capable of, if he can kill Gon without any sign of regret?_

* * *

Killua opened the door. The chamber was dimly lit with candles, and he didn't even bother trying to pick out Illumi's presence from the shadows. His eldest brother was the best of them at concealment, disguise, and deception.

Illumi would reveal himself when he chose to, or not at all. Killua fell into a relaxed stance, as ready to defend himself as he was to stand for hours on end—not that all of his skills could prevent Illumi from killing him if that was what he desired.

He wasn't going to die today, though. _Illumi wouldn't kill me. He wants his otouto to stay with him forever._

Illumi's voice seemed to come from the air all around him. Killua had been in the lower chambers before and was used to the peculiar echoes. "You left the Heavens Arena."

"Yeah."

"Do you remember why?"

Hesitantly, Killua said, "It's seventy-two days until my next match—"

The echoes of Illumi's laughter overlapped his next words. "No, Killu. _I_ told you to come here, three nights ago."

Killua did not, could not speak, but the growing understanding in his eyes told Illumi everything he wanted to know. He stepped out of the shadows.

Enormous blue eyes widened still further when Killua saw the limp form in Illumi's pale arms, and a whisper escaped him. "Aniki..."

* * *

"Killua might not attend the match... but then, he might, and it's the only lead we've got. Can we afford housing?"

Leorio took stock of their money, and said, "Not good housing." He hastily added, "But yes. We can."

"One of us needs to get a job. We'd have to anyway, but we want to get good tickets for Killua's match, so we need to earn enough money to have some leftover..." Kurapika paused, thinking hard. "I'm a Hunter now... I could probably get a job as a bodyguard."

"Why not me? Aren't I a Hunter too?"

"Because I don't want you to get hurt!"

There followed a very awkward pause.

Kurapika's voice was gentler when he said, "I mean... I know how to defend myself, how to fight. I learned when I was young, long before the Hunter Exam. The dance of the blades was—is—a Kuruta tradition."

Silence fell again as both turned their attention to packing for the trip to the Heavens Arena. Both of them thought about what would happen now that Gon was dead.

_What will we tell Mito-san?_ thought Leorio.

_How will Hisoka react to the death of his favorite?_ thought Kurapika.

And in their own ways, Gon's friends mourned his death as they readied to follow the one who they thought was his murderer.

* * *

Killua didn't even consider mourning Gon. He deliberately locked away the part of him that wanted to curl into a ball and sob until there were no more tears. _I can't afford to be distracted. Illumi will expect me to be broken, but I won't be. This could be a chance for revenge._

Then the body Illumi held _moved_, falling from Illumi's arms, and Killua's hastily constructed plans tumbled down around him like card castles in wind. "It is time for you to do your duty."

Comprehension dawned in Killua's eyes even as he shut them tight. _Back in the Hunter Exam, everything seemed so simple. I left, and they were safe. Now I don't know what to do._

Illumi melted away again, leaving only Killua standing across the chamber from Gon, who was struggling to his feet. Killua felt a cold hand on his shoulder.

"This is what you were born to do, Killu. This is what you have wanted to do, the hidden desire you have had since you met him at the Hunter Exam." The touch left, though his shoulder seemed colder than ever. A shiver passed through Killua's body as his brother said, "Strike now, and kill."


	9. Death

_The unearthly cold spread throughout Killua's body, growing stronger with each passing second. Killua closed his eyes, and when he opened them again, he no longer saw Gon, the one who in another world could have been his friend. He only saw another target, another victim to bloodstained hands._

Illumi watched his brother's aura as Killua crept along the shadows of the walls. Without Nen, he wouldn't have been able to trace Killua's progress. He didn't know Zetsu yet.

When Killua reappeared to the naked eye, he was behind Gon, fully extended claws gleaming in the candlelight. His normally blue eyes glowed black, and he was interrupted just as he was about to bring the claws down on Gon's neck.

"That's enough, Killu," Illumi said.

_His intent was to kill. It showed clearly in his aura._

_There's no reason for Gon to die. Not yet._

* * *

The dark glow faded from Killua's eyes, leaving them dull and blank. _He's not to be killed, then?_

"Go now." Killua left the chamber. _Maybe aniki wants to do it himself._

Illumi stayed with Gon for a while longer, holding him perfectly still, suspended in Nen. Eventually he fell asleep in Illumi's arms.

Killua lay on his bed, his back to the thin mattress, staring blankly at the ceiling. Time passed. He slept.

Killua did not dream that night, because in his empty black eyes there was no room for dreams.

He felt Illumi sit on the bed, next to him, woke and saw Illumi looking back at him with eyes that pulled him into a place where he was not quite asleep, nor awake. It was safe inside the eyes. Safe, and dark, and warm. He heard Illumi's voice, as if from far away and yet in his mind, telling him gently to remember.

It was just before the final exam, on the airship. He saw Gittarakuru approach him as if from another boy's eyes, felt the pin in the back of his neck, too fast to fight, and then he didn't want to fight, and he knew that it was his aniki who had followed him even here. He heard Illumi's voice asking if he was ready to become a Hunter.

_Yes_, he said. _I'm ready._

_Then forget, and come to me after the Exam._

_I will,_ he promised.

Then he was looking up at Illumi again, and the eyes told him to sleep.

* * *

"K-Killua?" Kurapika asked shakily.

Killua did not answer, but stepped forward. Kurapika stepped back, almost instinctively; it was a part of the dance that came too naturally to both of them.

Desperate, Kurapika said, "We were friends_._ Even if you don't remember, even if you kill me, we were friends."

"I have no friends," Killua said. Kurapika noticed that his eyes were black again. _Twisted Mother, he killed Gon..._

"Gon was your friend. Before Illumi took you away, I saw it in your—"

"I have no friends!"

Kurapika saw Killua fade out of sight, then felt the claws tear open his back. _Pain..._ then nothing.

* * *

Kurapika had thought he could bait Killua into remembering, into realizing that his brother was manipulating him. If he could do that, maybe they could run, find somewhere to hide together. He had no way of knowing that his pull on Killua wasn't even close to Illumi's, even when he was right there and Illumi was back at the mansion.

If he'd known, he would have tried anyway. That was what friends did, after all.

* * *

Killua didn't know where all the blood came from. Both Leorio's corpse and himself seemed to be covered in it.

Illumi would say he had been sloppy. Killua thought it looked rather nice, all things considered.

* * *

Killua was out of the mansion, having decided to take a job as Silva had suggested, when Hisoka's voice said, "And he was going to be so much fun to kill..." Killua looked up as Hisoka dropped elegantly out of the tree above him. "I'll have to play with you instead."

Illumi materialized out of the shadows. Killua suspected he had been following, not because he had actually caught him doing it, but because Illumi was always following him now, whenever he was out on missions.

"You will die before that happens."

Hisoka only smiled. "Or you will."

The outcome of the fight was clear to Killua. _No matter how strong Hisoka is, he can't be better at killing than aniki._

Killua watched as Hisoka attacked first, as Illumi stepped calmly aside with a deftness that defied speed, and knew that if his brother landed a hit, it was all over.

Hisoka tossed streams of cards, which were dodged... or caught in midair... or hit and bounced off of Nen-hardened skin. When the cards were proven useless, Hisoka fought hand-to-hand, Nen-to-Nen, no longer calm or mocking but mad with the pleasure of the combat.

Illumi teleported multiple times during the combat, but Hisoka always seemed to know where he was, and Killua suspected both combatants were using En to track each other. After a series of vicious attacks and counterattacks at a speed that Killua's eyes could not even begin to follow, he was sure.

At the end of that exchange, Illumi knelt over Hisoka's prone body, his hands on the other man's back, his Nen encompassing Hisoka's. Illumi had won.

That was when Killua felt a tug on his hands. He saw that the pink energy that he'd thought had melted completely into his own aura had activated. He was pulled along, thrown onto his brother's back.

Having let his En shrink back into mere Ten, Illumi was pushed forward by the unexpected attack, falling onto the magician's chest. Hisoka was trapped under him for a fraction of a second—

Without thought, Killua picked up one of the cards abandoned on the street—a three of spades—and threw it into Hisoka's neck.

* * *

_He died as he lived—at the whims of his cards' predictions._

_Who could be surprised that Hisoka was betrayed by the three of swords?_


	10. Hatsu

Killua trained with his father in the daytime, and he endured the long hours with Illumi every night. He learned to sleep with his eyes open and remember everything, learned to nap while meditating. Eventually he learned to split his mind from his Nen and sleep as the Nen monitored his surroundings. Memories of these periods were half-memories, incoherent and soon forgotten. An hour of sleep was a luxury, a night of it merely a dream.

Silva's lessons were about Nen and with Nen, and they were usually even interesting. He learned Zetsu quickly, as Silva thought he would, and Ren as well. He began sparring against Kalluto, with his brother forbidden to use his Hatsu. Still, Killua rarely hurt him, and he had lost to his younger brother more times than he could count.

Before the Hunter Exam, Illumi had trained him to endure pain; now, he was taught to inflict it. Sometimes Illumi chose himself as the target, sometimes Gon, and sometimes people who were already targets of one of the Zorodikku brothers.

It was small wonder, then, that in such an existence, Killua found his Hatsu almost without realizing what it was.

* * *

Illumi had finished before the dawn, an unusual occurrence in their training. It had been a particularly hard night, with Killua expected to focus Nen on an intent to cause himself pain. He had finally figured out how to do it. It was a different variant of the same technique that allowed him to sleep while using Nen - splitting his mind from his Nen, giving the Nen the order to hurt the mind, and ignoring the fear of coming pain as he had learned from Illumi over the years.

Killua was in too much pain to sleep. Rogue fragments of his own Nen ravaged his mind. _Silva told me to practice forms of energy..._

He gathered a strand of Nen into his hands, letting it radiate a gentle, soothing warmth.

Then Killua changed the energy back to its base Nen form, and then to electricity that flickered between his palms until he noticed the pain, several seconds later, and brought it back to Nen. _Why didn't Silva mention this when he was talking about the viable forms of energy?_

The first glow of dawn appeared on the horizon, and Killua started limping to the highest chamber, where he and Silva trained. _There's still time. Maybe I can sleep for a few minutes, pretend to be clearing my mind._

* * *

"Show me."

The electricity passed between Killua's palms again, and Silva nodded. "Killua... this ability is not common to Transmuters. This is your Hatsu."

"No wonder it feels so powerful."

"Six days from now, you will begin training in Nen with Illumi at night, learning the capabilities and natural limitations of your Hatsu. He will no longer teach you the methods of pain. You may sleep, further your training alone, or take on work during the day. Until then, you are to learn what you can alone. I trust you to use them well."

"I... I will, Father."

* * *

Killua spent two days sleeping.

* * *

Killua ran the transformed energy across his body - usually at low levels to save himself pain - so as to be fully adjusted to the feel of his Hatsu, which was slightly off from the feeling of regular electricity. He also practiced _Gyo_, as he did not know what his next opponent would capable of and didn't want to go blindly into a fight.

He continued his sparring sessions with Kalluto, but did not go to Illumi.

Gon remained locked in the lowest chamber, and only Illumi remembered him.

The nightly training sessions weren't nearly as painful as Killua thought they would be. He was free to sleep all day afterwards, and often, he did.

Killua learned that the way he converted Nen to electricity was nearly identical to the way all Transmuters could change it between light, heat, and the base form, Nen. What made his ability special was that it caused roughly equal exposure to him and anything—or anyone—he was sending it to.

Normally, the energy will be strongest next to the Transmuter, weakening as it gets further away. But anything Killua sent his electricity into—even if it was a half meter away—would get the same amount Killua did. He still preferred to be touching, as the current, on both sides, was significantly stronger, but it wasn't crippling to be unable to.

* * *

When Killua went to Illumi's rooms for the night's training, he found Illumi sitting on the bed, one hand resting casually on Gon's back. Killua knew that the control he was employing would make it impossible for Gon to move at all. Illumi seemed to ignore the still body beside him as he asked, "What progress have you made in developing your Hatsu?"

Killua placed his hand on Gon's back next to Illumi's and focused on the feel of Nen. Electricity surged down his fingers. Gon's skin became red around where he had touched.

He tried to move, tried to squirm away from the burning pain, but was unable to.

"Can you do that stronger?"

"Yes."_ Illumi knows as well as I do that stronger shocks could be fatal._

Held in place by Illumi's Nen, Gon could not even scream as the searing pain burned away his skin.

"Kill."

Killua closed his eyes in order to concentrate fully on his aura. Then the electricity burned through Gon in a split second, and Killua took his hand off of the corpse's back. Illumi did the same.

"Good boy, Killu."


End file.
